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Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Bullshit P2

My child spent the night with her father so I could get some rest. Yea, right, mostly so I could get up this morning and paint. The life of a baby momma does not end when the child is not here. Just the opposite, you are probably the most busy when a child is not around. You finally have time to catch up on things you could not do during the week. So like always I am still busy. I don't even mind being busy, just mind when my child wants all of my attention and I have other things to do. Just how it is sometimes.

Yesterday was a bad day. He was coming all day, then he continued with the bullshit. I would have been happier if he just told the damn truth. When men lie, it makes situations a whole lot more stressful. I do not think they even understand in the slightest how a lie can affect a whole day. Yesterday I could have gotten soo much accomplished but, like always I had to pay attention to my loving lil one, that nothing got done. No assistance, no help, and no patience is what I deal with on a regular day. Everyone always wants something from me, but will give nothing in return. Yet, when you have a child, everyone else becomes your responsibility as well. When your young, they assume you have all the energy in the world, so that you can do everything they want and need you to do. It is hard being a baby momma. Avoid it at all cost.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The BULLSHIT

Sorry for not writing yesterday I was dealing with the bullshit. Not just any baby father bullshit, but the kind of bullshit that makes you want to hurt him just because. In all my years of life, I have never had so much bullshit as I encounter now. I mean daily shit, from him, my sister, my mother and even my child. Though her bullshit is more along the lines of saying no to everything I say.

I really wonder why men even say they will do, when in the long run they never do. "I will be there whenever you need me" that is my baby fathers favorite line. Considering he let me know at 3 in the morning he would be here to come and watch his child so I could continue to do housing renovations that I alone with one other person is trying to complete. It is now 10 in the morning, and his ass still isn't here. Did I mention my child would not go back to sleep last night when she woke up at 4 right as I was trying to go to bed. Then she took a nap, and is back up. More active than ever. So I am now cranky and pissed off. Then when I call him and ask him what is he doing, he lets me know he is sleeping. Like he is justified by that. SMH(shaking my head) when we go off it is because of the bullshit. Yesterday knowing I get our child early on Friday he waits to five to get her. Doesn't let me know he is getting her until, he gets to my house. 20 mins after I had already picked her up. The messed up part was, I got as nail in my foot, and I was bleeding horribly to get my child. Yet, I am a mom right. We feel no pain, we are supposed to be the energizer bunny, and not complain. Yea, right. The bullshit always gets me. Since today is Saturday, I figure I will have tons more to share with you about it later.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Change goes Both Ways

Today an associate of my baby father and I decided he was going to lecture me on being a good woman. The conversation, though an interesting one, came after my baby father accused me of sleeping with him, and I had to put the whole situation on blast. I had to laugh while I listened to this man, tell me how a woman should act when they love the father of their children. A joke, considering men don't change the way they act when they have children.

Mind you this man has two baby mommas, so drama must fall his way. Especially considering he let me know he does things to spite his baby mothers. Now, common sense would seem, if you don't want the drama why cause the issue. I mean it is clear to me, and when men do what they need to do women tend to treat them kindly. We shower them with love of all kinds, but when they act stupid we trip out. I get it, and I would assume that you guys get it too. SO why start drama?

He let me know, I am supposed to act in a fashion that my man find appropriate. He just don't know that if I did what my baby father wanted me to do, I would be pregnant again. AND, I swore to myself that I am never having anymore children. The first pregnancy was an utter nightmare for me, why would I want to inflict that kind of torture on myself again? Yet, during his rant, I wanted to know why men don't act the way they did when WE (women) first met them. They want us to act the way we did before the 2 A.M wake up calls, spit-ups, and diapers. WHY can't they act the way they were before the I'm too busy, staying out all hours, having meaningful conversations with other women.  Change goes both ways in a relationship. It takes two to make a child, it takes two to raise a child. Why should women change for a man who is not willing to change for them? Why can't men understand that having a child changes a woman from the inside out? No one is ever the same after the birth of any child. That is why I wont be having anymore.

It hurts

It hurts when you try and let your baby father go. Or for anyone who is special in your life, but when you have a child with a person, letting them go can sometimes cause more pain than anything ever. I know, been trying to accept the fact that me and my baby father just will never be. The sad part is that we could have been something so amazing that letting it go really hurts.

After almost 3 years, I have deleted every way of getting in contact with my daughters father. I am not running away. After another f you night for me, and being told to never talk to him again. I said OK, sure. I blocked him off AIM and deleted him from my Facebook. Changing the cell number is the next step. Since we have a child together I figure he can make visitation appointments through my mother. Not like he would come anyway. I am going to give him what he wants a world with no me.

This issue that sparked this drama, is one that always follows me with him. HIS FAMILY. Now, they loved me when I was supporting him. Making sure he was out of their hair, now I am the worse thing since McDonalds. I don't even care anymore, especially considering our economic class difference is what plays such a role in our issues. I am not rich by any standard, but I was raised with certain ways about me. I feel a father should be an active part of his child's life. I believe mothers should take care of their children, and not put them off to others to raise. For example, I have no social life at all because I am always home with my child. I do not go out, or anything. I don't even want my baby father watching my child. That is another issue also, but we will save that for another blog.

His family and there non stop drama play a huge part in our relationship always goes. Word to all future baby mothers out there, if the person you sleeping with is a mommas boy, please run away. They will forever be a mommas boy. My baby father's mother has gone as far as to tell him, he is not supposed to be living with her; Basically to get out. When I was pregnant, they made sure to tell him to get a paternity test to make sure my daughter is his, they boycotted our baby shower, called me all the names in the book. Yet, now that my child is born they want to take her for weekends, they are feeding her foods I do not agree with especially when I hadn't even started given her actual food yet. When my child comes home to me its like she is someone else. Then they don't understand why I get angry. He never backs up any of the rules we have laid out for our child. He allows his family to do whatever they want when she is with him, and he barely takes care of her when she is around him. He is officially a babysitter and not a father.

The sad part is, and this is what makes women stupid. I love him, not just for our daughter either. I loved him because he was a good dude until they came in the picture. When I didn't have to deal with them everything was lovely. Now that I have too, I wish I never met this fool. Like be my sperm donor but leave me the hell alone kind of situation. But, that is how the cookie crumbles right.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

ALL ALONE

Life as a baby momma is a demanding one. One where you need to be there not only for your child, but also for everyone else. When I first had my daughter lets just say I lost my mind. I had no idea what to do with a child, and sitting around watching Nick Jr with her all day was not my idea of fun. Don't get me wrong I did not neglect my child, she is what a newspaper I read called a high handler. A child who always wants someone to be there, and I am the moms that no one expected to ever have children. I am the last person you would expect to raising a child. So, the nurturing aspect of the job, is not one I am very good at. Not to say I don't love my child, because I do. She is the best thing in my life, she is just very demanding. To make matters worse, we are the same sign.

The extent of her father's interaction with her is coming to see her once a week. If we are lucky enough to even get that. He spends five to ten minutes with her, and then he is off again. To be seen whenever he can make time for us. Then he wonders why I complain. Mind you, I am up every morning at 7 to get her ready for school. When most nights I do not go to bed till 1 or 2. So with very little sleep I am up, while this fool lies in his bed for most of the day. Yet I am wrong when I go off the chart. It is a damn shame that this is a daily life for me. I don't even understand why I go through the crap I go through. I just know 18 years can't get here soon enough.

Another Day, Another Drama

So I figure why not share my life. Not all of my life, just the part that deals with raising my child, and dealing with her father. For starters call me Daria, I am a freelance writer, and a single mother of a beautiful baby girl. I am young, my early 20's, and so is my baby father. That could play a partial part in 95% of the drama I suffer from. Men in the year 2010 don't grow up till they are 30. Unfortunately they love to make promises, and love to put on that show, but as soon a  baby come into the picture they act like they are so busy they can not even change a diaper, but they want you to be ready for them. Men are jokes. From my experience, and those of many friends of mine we all seem to have one thing in common. Messed up baby fathers, and I want to share this amazing phenomenon with you.

I really feel the need to to this to prove to myself I am not crazy. See, men love to play mind games on a woman. Have you feeling these than the dirt on the ground. They love to have women feeling hurt, sad, it empowers them. If women were always happy, and content, we wouldn't need them. The same thing happens when a child comes into the picture. Men want the same attention they received before the child was born. Yet most don't want to invest any time with the child, so that is double the work for the mother. I don't even feel that it is just baby mommas who suffer. My father and mother have been together for 30 something years, and my mother did most of my raising. I barely had anything to do with my father till I had my daughter. That is quite sad at the end of the day. Maybe it is genetic, a flaw in the male DNA. Who the heck knows. I do know that I am going to let you lovely people out there know just how hard the life of a baby momma is. Maybe it will sink in to some men out there with children.
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