It hurts

It hurts when you try and let your baby father go. Or for anyone who is special in your life, but when you have a child with a person, letting them go can sometimes cause more pain than anything ever. I know, been trying to accept the fact that me and my baby father just will never be. The sad part is that we could have been something so amazing that letting it go really hurts.

After almost 3 years, I have deleted every way of getting in contact with my daughters father. I am not running away. After another f you night for me, and being told to never talk to him again. I said OK, sure. I blocked him off AIM and deleted him from my Facebook. Changing the cell number is the next step. Since we have a child together I figure he can make visitation appointments through my mother. Not like he would come anyway. I am going to give him what he wants a world with no me.

This issue that sparked this drama, is one that always follows me with him. HIS FAMILY. Now, they loved me when I was supporting him. Making sure he was out of their hair, now I am the worse thing since McDonalds. I don't even care anymore, especially considering our economic class difference is what plays such a role in our issues. I am not rich by any standard, but I was raised with certain ways about me. I feel a father should be an active part of his child's life. I believe mothers should take care of their children, and not put them off to others to raise. For example, I have no social life at all because I am always home with my child. I do not go out, or anything. I don't even want my baby father watching my child. That is another issue also, but we will save that for another blog.

His family and there non stop drama play a huge part in our relationship always goes. Word to all future baby mothers out there, if the person you sleeping with is a mommas boy, please run away. They will forever be a mommas boy. My baby father's mother has gone as far as to tell him, he is not supposed to be living with her; Basically to get out. When I was pregnant, they made sure to tell him to get a paternity test to make sure my daughter is his, they boycotted our baby shower, called me all the names in the book. Yet, now that my child is born they want to take her for weekends, they are feeding her foods I do not agree with especially when I hadn't even started given her actual food yet. When my child comes home to me its like she is someone else. Then they don't understand why I get angry. He never backs up any of the rules we have laid out for our child. He allows his family to do whatever they want when she is with him, and he barely takes care of her when she is around him. He is officially a babysitter and not a father.

The sad part is, and this is what makes women stupid. I love him, not just for our daughter either. I loved him because he was a good dude until they came in the picture. When I didn't have to deal with them everything was lovely. Now that I have too, I wish I never met this fool. Like be my sperm donor but leave me the hell alone kind of situation. But, that is how the cookie crumbles right.

ALL ALONE

Life as a baby momma is a demanding one. One where you need to be there not only for your child, but also for everyone else. When I first had my daughter lets just say I lost my mind. I had no idea what to do with a child, and sitting around watching Nick Jr with her all day was not my idea of fun. Don't get me wrong I did not neglect my child, she is what a newspaper I read called a high handler. A child who always wants someone to be there, and I am the moms that no one expected to ever have children. I am the last person you would expect to raising a child. So, the nurturing aspect of the job, is not one I am very good at. Not to say I don't love my child, because I do. She is the best thing in my life, she is just very demanding. To make matters worse, we are the same sign.

The extent of her father's interaction with her is coming to see her once a week. If we are lucky enough to even get that. He spends five to ten minutes with her, and then he is off again. To be seen whenever he can make time for us. Then he wonders why I complain. Mind you, I am up every morning at 7 to get her ready for school. When most nights I do not go to bed till 1 or 2. So with very little sleep I am up, while this fool lies in his bed for most of the day. Yet I am wrong when I go off the chart. It is a damn shame that this is a daily life for me. I don't even understand why I go through the crap I go through. I just know 18 years can't get here soon enough.

Another Day, Another Drama

So I figure why not share my life. Not all of my life, just the part that deals with raising my child, and dealing with her father. For starters call me Daria, I am a freelance writer, and a single mother of a beautiful baby girl. I am young, my early 20's, and so is my baby father. That could play a partial part in 95% of the drama I suffer from. Men in the year 2010 don't grow up till they are 30. Unfortunately they love to make promises, and love to put on that show, but as soon a  baby come into the picture they act like they are so busy they can not even change a diaper, but they want you to be ready for them. Men are jokes. From my experience, and those of many friends of mine we all seem to have one thing in common. Messed up baby fathers, and I want to share this amazing phenomenon with you.

I really feel the need to to this to prove to myself I am not crazy. See, men love to play mind games on a woman. Have you feeling these than the dirt on the ground. They love to have women feeling hurt, sad, it empowers them. If women were always happy, and content, we wouldn't need them. The same thing happens when a child comes into the picture. Men want the same attention they received before the child was born. Yet most don't want to invest any time with the child, so that is double the work for the mother. I don't even feel that it is just baby mommas who suffer. My father and mother have been together for 30 something years, and my mother did most of my raising. I barely had anything to do with my father till I had my daughter. That is quite sad at the end of the day. Maybe it is genetic, a flaw in the male DNA. Who the heck knows. I do know that I am going to let you lovely people out there know just how hard the life of a baby momma is. Maybe it will sink in to some men out there with children.